Catfishing Potatoes

I’m not claiming to be a great gardener. I enjoy being outside, I like looking at the plants I’ve put in the ground either by seed or by small cutting and watching them flourish. I am constantly scanning a plant with my phone trying to determine if it is indeed what I planned for or a surprise offering left by squirrel or bird.

My potatoes though. I believe they are plotting against me.

For context, I had bought some regular ole potatoes and when I didn’t eat the last one fast enough I decided to throw my hat in the ring of all the other children and adults who grow potatoes. It seems so easy! They teach them how to do it for science in grade school!

So after putting said potato in some water and shoving it at sunlight for a few days I gamely dropped it in a container, piled some dirt over it and wished it the best of luck!

And to my surprise and pride the stalks grew! I had all these stalks shooting out of the dirt, stretching to the sun, eager to grow a small spud or two. My excitement grew alongside the stalks. I now watered them more often, praising the green leaves for their upward mobility and trying to insure the plants had the best sunlight.

A couple of months has passed when suddenly one of the stalks fell out of the container. Throwing itself out of the dirt like some damsel collapsing on a fainting couch to raise my concerns. Of course I was immediately concerned! It is too early the interwebs tell me. Your potatoes are being dramatic. Leave them alone.

Naturally I chucked all that advice and immediately disturbed the dirt to look for the potato that stalk belonged to. And to my surprise and hurt there isn’t a potato to be found in the container. I’ve been catfished by some green stalks.

I have no idea what to even think! How can I trust the random potato stalks that have shot up elsewhere in the garden? How do I know that the sweet potato in the container next to it isn’t planning the same deceit?

The other flowers try and soothe me by showing what they’ve been working on above ground. Even the brussel sprouts and tomatillos seem to be hard at work but I’m suspicious now. Guarded even.

And still the green stalks of the potato plants keep pushing to the sun. Unaware that I’ve caught on to their game.