Looking Up

The heat lately has been pretty intense. I’ve had to be very careful about when I walk Bear because I don’t want him to burn his paws on hot pavement, and with his dark coat he doesn’t handle the heat very well. It doesn’t seem to stop him from jumping up on the outdoor couch and sunbathing, but I have been working to be careful on the walks, or where I can control it.

Since I’m being mindful of the heat, and I’ve started a new job that has me working earlier than ever, we are going out in the dark, morning and night, to get our steps in, smell suspicious clumps of grass and linger where we saw a cat that one time. While he is inspecting the ground, I’ve been taking the time to check out the sky. Taking a gander, gawking at all the colors I’ve been seeing so that I can feel suitably miniscule in comparison of the vastness I’m taking in.

I’m not sure why I thought being reminded how absolutely vast the universe is would help me settle in my new position, but it isn’t working.

The new job, the amount of knowledge I need for it, and the complete lack of motivation to get it all crammed in at once is screwing with my head. Plus, the side hustle has been a little slow in the last couple of weeks in deference to my need to learn these large tomes of information, but I’ve hit some sort of August slump and don’t feel any burning desire to turn up the production there either. Things I should be doing, I’m not as engaged in, things I shouldn’t be doing, I’m not doing those things either.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m absolutely grateful for the job and making changes where I need, but plugging in and downloading the basics is harder than it should be for me at this juncture. It just can’t hold my attention. So I drift into doing other things, but not fully completing those either and before I know it the day is done, I’m exhausted like I ran for miles, and I haven’t actually completed a darn thing. It isn’t good. The only thing I have been doing is making sure I’m getting Bear out for long walks in the morning and then another longish one in the evening. Partly to make sure he can get the local who’s who of what is happening in the neighborhood, but also so I can touch grass figuratively.

Of course tonight’s evening walk had a little void cat run up and try and come home with me. Bear, the jerk, wasn’t as interested in sharing the space. So now I feel bad about yet another stray that is hanging outside, without a cushy place to land. And my guy is snoring behind me.

At least the dog that tried to make it’s home with us a month or so ago is no longer on the local humane society’s page. I’m hoping she is living with a nice family now. I can let that guilt go that I couldn’t keep both of them in the house. But I am having trouble knowing the cat distribution system finally kicked in and I didn’t get the cat to follow me home.

So I looked up at the sunset as we made the final push home, and wouldn’t you know, the sky was too dark for me to see anything.