Rules

Is it wrong to admit to a boss that you are just coasting? Asking for me, I’m the one over here being brutally honest.

My boss is constantly curious about where life is taking me. What does my journey look like currently. What am I working on. Why am I making specific decisions. These aren’t conversations we have regularly, but perhaps once a month I get a check in to see where my path is taking me.

My boss is a very driven individual and I admire that about them. They have a specific path, a specific vision on how they are getting there and very confident in what they are doing. And, perhaps almost 20 years ago I had similar defined paths for myself. However, as I’m aging, I’ve found that the squirrels have taken over the brain synapsis and so what was once defined direction is now sort of a gently worded suggestion with caveats and breaks for flowers and good reads and furry children cuddles and snacks. Today, our conversation devolved before it got out of the gate about how I had once warned them on a regular basis that if I had gotten lost in Aruba there would be problems for the company regarding my specific role.

What I hadn’t realized at the time or even up until today, was that behavior confused them. They perceived the conversation, the statement to be a threat, when in fact it was simple the canary in the coal mine. Looking at them this afternoon, I said, I like you, of course I’m going to warn you when things are going to go off the rails. (Also, I seem to be tired so hello idioms). Them thinking I’m threatening with walking away was just me trying to alert them to a gap in the system.

We went to circle back to the standard line of questions of where things were going when I admitted to not going all out. They told a story they’ve related before about senior mgmt in the same mindset, with a smile and wave sort of outlook, kind of giving me a side eye while speaking about the disrespect they felt about the former manager they worked with.

‘And I understand that,’ I explained, ‘but no one reports to me. I work in a very niche role that someone will figure out very shortly how to fill without me, but until then, I’m more than happy to perform my responsibilities perfunctorily and keep everyone happy without breaking my neck.’

And they are right. Someone in management has people who are dependent on their decisions and directions. The ‘Smile and Wave’ isn’t a good fit for that role, but there is no one who is reliant on me when I decide to take a walk in the middle of the day to up my steps.

What I find fascinating is the changes that happen to your own personal rules for living. Or maybe it is just aging that allows the rigidity to fall out of what I find important for where I spend a majority of time.

And I wonder if my boss will relax those personal rules or take them up as their personal mantle to get things done.