If I Were You

My therapist said the rudest thing to me the other day. I had relayed that I had been unexpectedly emotional lately thinking of my late dad, my pets that have crossed the rainbow bridge that my phone seems determined to torture me with images of, and the steady creeping of things that need to be done, including work and work on the house that sometimes threatens to overwhelm.

I’m unburdening myself and this strange feeling that has been coursing through my body, sometimes giving my fingers tingly feelings, especially when people at my job suggest something… less than wise for my next steps with clients or coworkers. I’ve been increasing my walking and weights to try and drive back these waves of discontent, but it hasn’t always worked. Going to my therapist, I thought sure she would come up with something that would return me to a status quo of smooth waters.

She had the audacity to say, “I’m glad to see you are experiencing emotions again!”

Like this is a treat! Like this is something everyone wants and works towards. The unexpected and wild ride of feelings running rampant through your blood either firing at inopportune times or building in little caskets of doom to only spill over when you least expect it.

I get the joy, but there has to be balance, there has to be sorrow to counteract unbridled happiness or the joy means nothing. How do you get sorrow? Is it something you have to experience or can you borrow it? When I was younger I used to watch cry jerker shows to give that emotional release after a long week of peopling and employment expectations. I don’t watch tv any longer, don’t have the will power or spine to even think about turning on the news and I do not want to buy a sad book. Perhaps that is why these emotions are popping up at odd times, because I don’t have a regular release valve to let them loose upon the world and rid my body of their cooties.

Some just want to see the planet burn. Glad to see you are experiencing …

Like I was missing out. I can already feel experiences gathering around the corner. Stalking me. Ready to pounce and bring new encounters with the unknown. Damn. I might have to leave the house and everything.