Working On A Quirky Graph

It is early. Dawn is just cresting over the horizon and I’ve been searching for peace. The week has been fraught with oddity and I’m struggling to be outwardly mindful of that. Which seems ridiculous honestly. How often do you have a just one extreme to the other week, struggle to deal with all of it yourself and then have to remind yourself it actually all isn’t about you? There is nothing worse than navel gazing when you’re are struggling to climb out.

It feels like the universe has crammed a whole month’s worth of events into one week and I’m already exhausted. Friends are in town which is awesome, but at the same time there is chaos in the neighborhood with shootings and death and it is these two extremes pushing and pulling. Even if and especially since the shooting had nothing to do with me specifically, there is still the aftermath and the knowledge that you heard the shots you just didn’t know what they meant.

I’m discovering that being logical doesn’t always win out over emotions and adrenaline.

So today we will do touristy tours and couple that with time at the gun range. I went to bed early last night not having really slept the night before, and when I can downstairs this morning I found and clear glass openings to the outside were covered by tape or taped up paper towels. I guess for all their protestations they still didn’t feel wholly safe.

My trainer is in town too. She did a 5k with me on Sunday and will be over to train me this morning.

I’m kind of looking forward to Saturday. Just for some minutes to myself to process.

I feel selfish, bemoaning my privileged plight while a family woke up without a member this morning. Yet I can’t escape the buzzing in my head, and while the adrenaline dump has long passed, that doesn’t mean I will be feeling balanced anytime soon.