Working On A Quirky Graph

This week has been topsy turvy for me. Stagnating on the personal front while waiting on news with the house and bouncing from one extreme to the other on a professional front as work has not slowed down to even see a rose much less smell it before it trampled the whole dang field.

I’ve been working to keep an even keel, or prets to maintain my mental balance but almost teared up in a meeting because my peers can see me struggling and I don’t know what to do with these big emotions pressing on me.

Haha. Jokes on me. Turns out my monthly cycle actually kicked in this week so I’ve been laying about on a heating pad, trying to swallow a normal amount of Tylenol to ease the pain all around my middle and watching videos about animals finding forever homes and crying. And while that explains my reactions to seemingly insignificant problems at work this week, it doesn’t change the fact that I have to go back to work and see if I’m still as annoyed as I was when I shut off the computer. It does, however, mean that I won’t be needing to eat all the salted chocolate snacks I’ve currently surrounded myself with. Which is a relief, I was beginning to think I’d lost my mind.

I’m rounding the year mark of when I should’ve been laid off last year and I’m starting to feel every part of what I took on. The stress is coming from inside the house but I need to stop answering the phone.

Oh, but if it were only that simple.

I’m also rounding the time when our reviews are supposed to be given. I can’t just walk away from this job, but I also cannot stay if I’m not paid comparably to what others that share my title (or a version of it).

Thus starts the game. Because companies watch what you do, they pay attention to how you present yourself online. And while I have a minimal presence, if I upload a new resume – it will be noticed. I need to make some changes though. I’ve already silently turned on the looking feature in a couple places just to see what is out there, but I need to make the changes to my resume where it is live to reflect what I’ve been doing.

And then I need to go back into work, paste a smile on my face, keep my mouth shut and get my training knocked out. Use the tools that are given to you, even if they aren’t your favorite brand. There is something to be said about learning a new skill set, even when surrounded by adversity.