Working On A Quirky Graph

As a fully functioning (snicker) grown up, I’m constantly worrying about the right thing to do, to look, etc. I’m finding, however, as I get older I’m less concerned about the right thing for others and more interested in the right thing for me. That may make me selfish, but honestly I’m not sure I can find a single care about how others see it.

I’m back in a salon chair this morning looking to move my hair to a violet. Sure, I’ve been thinking about putting myself back out on the job market, but holy cow I want to do something frivolous with my head for the first time ever. Generally I stick with the middle of the road, and while I do things outrageous, hello half sleeve tattoo, it generally is where not a lot of people will see it.

I think the frustrating piece is that I make these moves out of comfy boxes I’ve placed myself in, but they are small steps, little slides to the right or left to see if the coast is clear or if anyone will notice. Or. Or, I will lose my damn mind and jump in whole hog without looking to see if I have a net, a safe place to land or even a place to go after I’ve gotten there. And I’m starting to do these things with more and more frequency. More recently it was getting my recently passed monster dog that I was just supposed to be ‘checking out’. Two days after I agreed to foster him, I went ahead and said I would take him on permanently. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. He was such a force of nature, and pulled me right along with him. But was it incredibly impulsive? Oh yeah. I brought him home without having food, bowls or a usable leash other than what the shelter gave me. He was an expensive impulse as well.

And it seems I have a theme that way. I’ve been looking for houses, and have found one that I really like. Enough to make an offer. The inspection was last week so now the waiting game starts on what they will and won’t fix. I wonder if they knew they would need to fix some things as they didn’t accept the first bid in an effort to give themselves some room to fix things. However, outside of the things that will need to be fixed as safety hazards, there are a few things that I want changed because the flow doesn’t quite work.

While I’m not a designer by any stretch of the imagination, the investor made a couple of decisions on the house I find questionable. Like, how do you not have any space to store things in the bathroom? Why aren’t there any plugs in the hallway? Why, oh why is there a shower in the bathroom on the first floor if there is no bedroom there and you have to walk through the dining room to get to it?

Clearly there will be some changes to the property if I get my hands on it. I already have names of contractors and chimney people to come out because of course we covered up the chimney? Seriously? Either way, I also would like a garage of sorts and want that shower converted to a washer/dryer. So a general contractor it is. This all hinges on their desire to change the larger safety concerns though. If those aren’t touched, I’m not taking the property. I’m not adding to my problems by throwing even more money to the house. I’m not that much of a masochist or money rich.

So, I’m teetering on the edge of jumping off a very large (money wise) cliff and making a smaller but noticeable change to my hair to compensate this need to change.

And it is exhausting. Between these relatively large decisions, putting myself out there, opening myself up to others about how I live and what I spend money on and what I’m looking for when I don’t even share that with a significant other is so freaking much. It is mentally exhausting to do this, not as freeing as one would think. I guess a part of myself always thought that just letting go would be a catharsis, but the stress that it comes with is just as much if not more. So I’m alternating between making life changing decisions and then sleeping like I’ve been up for days.

Meanwhile, I’ve taken a new and slightly odd fascination with my skin, specifically my face. I am, not fascinated by the wrinkles that seem to be appearing daily now, but in how I can combat them. It is odd behavior to go from not caring for most of my life to purchasing serum and day as well as the illustrious night cream to fight what is a natural reaction to laughing. The wise thing will be to put all of these things to use daily (as directed) but means I will need to create the correct habits to make that happen. And, horrors, I’ve already missed today…