Working On A Quirky Graph

Life is always surprising to me, and that fact is surprising as well. Every time I’m surprised, I’m then surprised I was surprised. Ridiculous I know, but there it is. I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever not be surprised by my reactions.

Today has been a cold wet day outside and disappointing inside. It turns out, one of the bonuses I had believed I was going to receive the company hadn’t offered me, and it completely soured my mood. I’ve spent a majority of the day trying to swing it back to positive, but all it did was solidify how done with this company I am. And how frustrated I am with myself.

Logically I know I didn’t have the money, in fact I have no idea how much it would have been, but holy cow, does it tick me off that the company doesn’t seem to believe I’m worth it. For a while I’ve believed that if they asked me to stay after the decision in November to layoff my entire team, I would’ve stayed. Now, there is a new fire to find a different job, at this point any job, so I can walk away from this one without worry.

Today may not be the day to get that happy vibe going though. After a nice long walk in the sun that has finally chosen to appear, I decided to sit down and do my taxes. And while I will be receiving a refund, going through Turbotax for a simple return is ridiculous. Between balking at the amount I have to pay to get my refund, (really $275?) and the fact that I don’t think the company took out the correct amount of taxes and that is why I’m getting such a low refund just makes my hair feel like it is on fire. I am sure I will be sitting down in front of a computer tomorrow to try and do this for free somewhere else.

I feel like I’ve been slacking for too long, allowing life to glide by me like a log in a river, just floating down, occasionally bumping into something just under the water, but always popping back up after a brief dunking. Meanwhile I’ve been chilling on the bank, reading a book and keeping an eye on the sky, but never watching that river. Suddenly that river has jumped the bank and is slowly encroaching on my peaceful spot. I need to move… or I will drown in everything I need to do.