Working On A Quirky Graph

It’s been a busy couple of weeks and also fairly dull. That odd mix of so many things to do and when you get through them you are in limbo waiting for more.

The job is a slow start. Not a bad thing, in the end this will be my mini vacation I suppose, but frustrating when I’m trying to get ready for the next steps. Working is on compilation of fits and starts. My schedule will look slow, then suddenly I’m slammed with work, then it backs all the way to nothing. I hate going to work and not actually having enough to keep me busy or engaged. I’ve been looking for projects, which is never a heartbreak, but it is still awkward at best.

As I get situated within this particular dynamic, there are a couple of odd pieces of the job that I’m trying to get settled.

The first being, finding a new friend group. I already miss my work partner from the last position. It will take a minute for me to settle in with this crowd (and for &*!’s sake they are all women), but holy cow is everyone so much younger than I am. Not a bad thing, never a bad thing, but when you are working with people who are in different stages of their lives, it makes conversation a little more awkward. Everyone is so very chill and friendly, but they are also going out hiking and hanging out on islands for the weekend, etc. It isn’t FOMO, but it is definitely a little humorous when they tell me these grand plans for their weekend, and then when they ask me what my plans are, I’m like, ‘just chilling at the house’. Like I would be doing anything else.

The second is finding a way to reconcile how people see me versus how I see me. Most people in this department believe that I am good to go, I have all this knowledge and the skillset already in place, when I don’t already feel that way. Being that I haven’t already had several customers, I feel at a loss as I haven’t already experienced all these parts of the job that most people coming in have. Because I have some knowledge in other areas of the company, and am a little more versed when it comes to the platform, they seem to think that I’m already a master. This reaction is giving me a case of imposter syndrome that I’m actively trying to combat, but it is still an uphill battle.

Aside from all of that, though, positive news! I’ve sold the house. I cannot begin to explain how grateful I am that the house is gone and no longer something I will have to worry about. The utilities are all off, the mortgage shows paid and I’m thrilled. Now I’m just trying to get the next portions of my life situated without that uncertainty on the back of my neck. But, to celebrate, I did gift myself one, somewhat extravagant, gift. I bought myself an apple watch. I had a Fitbit, but the poor thing finally died and I’ve been looking at my naked wrist more times than I care to admit lately. I’ve already used it to capture my walk (somewhat successfully, it didn’t realize I was doing it until I was already 10 minutes in), keep an eye on my sleep and, of course, tell the time. I will have to buy another band as I ordered this one just a touch big, but I’m hoping it continues to drive my ambition to walk my neighborhood and I lose some of this cushion. The actual face is huge too. I can’t get over how big the darn thing is. It does not make me feel dainty.