Working On A Quirky Graph

There hasn’t been a moment for me to feel settled lately. No comfort zone to really plant my feet and feel like this is where I’m supposed to be. While flux is a part of life and can be exciting, there is also an element of instability. ‘Will I feel like I belong or will I fall off the edge of the world’ seems like a common thread in my head lately.

I’ve been moving between stores, floating where needed to best help out the stores, but giving myself some anxiety. I’ve always functioned best when I was in one place. I could plant my feet and own the building, community, coworkers and be useful, a leader or just have fun. Moving from store to store makes me feel unsettled, and while I’m doing my best to fit in, I still feel itchy. Today I walked into a store and while looking for something to do, I went ahead and rearranged their fridges, cleaning where they haven’t and organized their milks.

The best part of my day was being able to be in the window, chatting with customers, joking with them, helping them find a smile in a weird and painful year. Those connections, I have found, have a rejuvenating effect on me. I get something out of giving others pleasure, whether it be a smile, cookies or a crafted item. As I’m getting older I find I’m chasing that feeling a little more than I had in the past. I am actively looking for opportunities to give back to those around me, just to give myself a little gratification.

It’s just a little more difficult at the moment. I feel like I’ve been sacrificing myself a little, carving out little parts of myself to accommodate those that are around me, or the situation, or sometimes, just not to stick out. I was at one store this weekend where the store manager made a point to inform me that he implicitly trusted his staff and there was never any drama in his store. I’m not sure if he thought I would find some or if I would start some, but it was the oddest thing to bring up. Sure enough, there are problems in his store, but since he is a firm no drama believer, I have chosen not to burst his bubble.

The Job Hunt

I’ve got a second interview tomorrow morning. This time the interview is with the person in charge of the department I’m interviewing for. This is the farthest I’ve gone in an interview in a few months so I’m already a little nervous. I just want to make sure I have all the pieces in place because I need to feel more settled than I currently do. I’m not in dire straits, but it would be nice to feel more protected and stable. Luckily I figured out the whole camera issue that plagued me the last time, so already I feel like I’m ahead. Clothing is the next major concern, but it is winter so I’ll be going with a sweater. The people who interviewed me the last time were extremely casual in what they were wearing so I’m just hoping not to stick too far out. Make up will be the other fun thing to attempt, but I’ll be keeping it light simply because my skills need some work.

In other news, I need to go clothes shopping. And lose some weight so I feel more comfortable in my own skin. And perhaps improve my skin care routine because mask-ne is a thing that is killing my chin. I have not heard from any of the other companies that I have applied to. Not a peep. Perhaps I should run my resume through another processer, but I am so tired of throwing money out to try and figure out what isn’t working.

I have been told that I’m welcome to work at the other stores, so that is a boost in the confidence right before the interview that absolutely helps. I know that I’ve got a positive personality, it just always is a little boost to hear it from another source.

Projects Part Three

I finally finished my afghan this morning. While I was procrastinating getting ready for work, I decided to try my luck again on the blanket, this time armed with the knowledge that the girls were asleep in the bedroom, cooking themselves on the heating pads I had to fight them over the night before. I will have to decide who needs this blanket, as well as determine what my next project should be. I’m sure something will come up. I still have a ton of yarn to meander through.