Working On A Quirky Graph

Kuchisabishii, a Japanese term for mindlessly eating. Urban Dictionary says it means, essentially, ‘lonely mouth’. Honestly, I feel that term is accurate. All my life, talking to doctors and weight loss advocates, whenever they would ask me why I was eating, I would explain that I wasn’t really hungry, but that I felt I should be doing something with my mouth. Goodness knows I have had a lonely mouth for years. I have always likened it to having the munchies for something, but not knowing exactly what you were searching for. And to alleviate the frustration, you ended up grazing through your refrigerator until you found something close or you made yourself sick.

I’ve been wondering lately if there is a version of Kuchisabishii but for your brain. While I don’t believe it is total anxiousness, I cannot settle on any one thing. Not a game to play, not a book to read, not even music to listen to. It is like I’m mindlessly grazing through my social media until I find something to hold my attention for more than a minute.

I’ve been bouncing from book to book, new and old, trying to find a rhythm in an author’s voice that I can settle into, but without luck. There are two authors dropping books tomorrow and I have some serious concern that I won’t be able to concentrate enough to enjoy the book. Which is a shame as I’ve been looking forward to one of them for months!

I’ve downloaded two games recently, which is two more than I have for that last 6 months, just searching for something to keep me occupied and entertained. Unfortunately for me, they don’t seem to have any staying power. The graphics are cool, but there has been more than once where I’ve looked at what I was doing and couldn’t figure out what the point was. I’ve never been big into regular video games. My jam has always been card games like solitaire or puzzle type games. I’ve had several friends loan me regular games on a wii or what not, but I usually die horribly and lose interest pretty quickly.

Music has been the same recently. I’ve been hitting the next button pretty regularly on Spotify, moving from favorites to new music to new to me genres and back to old favorites while restlessly typing or moving from point A to point B.

I don’t watch a lot of tv, but I’m beginning to feel like this behavior is the same as those who keep clicking through their 100 channels, looking desperately for something to entertain and coming up short. Even writing this little ditty on not being able to focus has me fidgeting, picking up my phone to see what may have changed in my social medias and switching my stations that I’ve been listening to at least 3 times.

I’m not sure if this is age, ADHD or some other version of slowly driving yourself mad, but it is frustrating. Perhaps I’m not getting enough sleep at night, or it may just be tonight, but I will take a minute and try and unwind before I crash. Hopefully that will put these jitters to rest and slow my lonely brain.