Bad Woman Blues

Venturing to my window after a tumultuous week of posturing, smiling, waving and capitulating with a large dose of humility thrown in for good measure I saw what at first blush was a Black Shuck trotting up to my yard. Safely ensconced in my layers of brick and bad decisions I watched with bated breath while it sized up my yard, the tasty treats of small birds powering into the sky while the larger doves lumbered up, off balance, taking breaks to catch their collective breath on fence railings and lower branches before seemingly heaving themselves into the sky, their top speed much like a toddler running hell bent for leather after getting caught with whatever illicit food they are trying to simultaneously stuff in their mouth.

I peered out the window, watching the drama unfold on the grounds below when I realized the dog was looking at me. Head cocked just ever so, it seemed to regard my actions throughout life, much like the Fates measuring out my thread. I could feel my soul rise in my throat as my deeds were seen and dismissed. Good decisions and bad, positive interactions and negative, all were taken into account in the moments this courier and I locked eyes.

Then the Shuck turned his head back to the alley and continued on his way. Didn’t look back, didn’t wave or even kick up dust. Just kept moving to the next place they needed to be without a thought to the disarray they left my thoughts, feelings and productivity for the rest of that hour.

I slowly sank back into my chair. Shaken by the close brush with death, realizing how unprepared I would be for the Fates to decide that now was my time. My brain scattered about, looking about the room as if hoping to discover the answers to my lack of planning in some corner or behind a picture hanging on the wall while I wrote absentmindedly on sticky notes what I should probably do to better prepare for the inevitable. As my eyes focused again on the computer screen in front of me, I finally asked the question that had been slowly gathering strength in the back of my mind, ‘I wonder if that dog is a stray.”

And then moved back from the precipice of spiritual enlightenment I had wandered too close to.