Working On A Quirky Graph

These last few weeks have been both non stop and not busy at all. A strange combination, but I blame my body and its stamina while I continue to learn my limits and understand how my body keeps changing.

Perhaps most of us don’t realize that our bodies keep changing even as we get older. There are so many that are on a journey, whether it be physical or psychological so we expect some changes and can get frustrated when we don’t see those changes immediately. Even those of us, however, that are not purposively working to change or improve ourselves in one way or another will have changes happen every day. We expect some change when we walk into a room where perhaps everyone is sick, or a smoke filled room, you will have an idea that your body is going to have to fight a bit of those pollutants to get back to status quo, but I wonder if there is ever really a permanent line our bodies are working toward or, if like the the rest of the universe, it is fluctuating. There is a rumor, after all, that we are made of stardust.

I believe, as we get older, our bodies are working to not only maintain our levels of health, but are working to repair those systems that are degrading with age. It isn’t like the body can replace parts by itself, but I believe it is repairing cells that have degraded, cleaning pollutants from the body and generally trying to keep the overall system running. I think I’m more aware of my body trying to keep up with itself lately, than I have been for the past (mumble) years of my life. I find that I’m actively trying to check in with my body to see how it is doing. It is such a novel concept honestly, for me. I’m not sure it is something I would have every thought about before this particular journey, especially when it comes it eating. It is still new, but actively taking a minute to do a systems check is helping me keep a handle on how I feel.

I think that is the biggest difference, truthfully. I used to eat until I noticed that others had stopped. Eating by myself was always dangerous (not that I realized) because I had no social cues that I was supposed to be done. Since I didn’t have any physical cues to stop eating, emotional eating never had an off button, and eating when I was younger was a free for all of all the things that tasted good. I would binge on things that had no nutritional value foe weeks until I was tired of it. However, we didn’t have the language or explanations or maybe even the understanding on how that worked or why it was bad. It could have been me as well. Perhaps I didn’t have the emotional maturity to really dig into why I ate the way I did or how to make it make sense.

I have an advantage now, not just being older but being around doctors who have made it their mission to understand not just how the body takes in the food but how the mind works with it. It is still an uphill battle. There is no real magic bullet when it comes to being healthier, but taking these strides, and having a better understanding of how my body works and what it may be going through is helpful. These last few weeks though, all my energy has plummeted. I’ve been barely able to get to work, much less focus on what I was working on. As soon as work was done, and actually, even during lunch I would crawl to the couch and just lay down. I’m not sure if it is a self fulfilling prophecy, or if my body is continuing to adjust but I’ve been barely able to move. Luckily, I also haven’t been able to take in any calories that would tip the scales to a weight negative.

After seeing my doc, it seems my iron levels are ridiculously low. I’ve been taking iron pills, to the detriment of my intestines, but clearly it just wasn’t making a difference. This week I ended up getting an iron infusion which will hopefully not only bring my levels back to where they should be, but also (happy side effect?) give me some more energy. All we can do is wait and see, and then check my levels again in a month or so, but I have my fingers crossed. I have another 5k coming up on Thanksgiving and want to make sure I am ready for it and not just dragging myself through the course.