Working On A Quirky Graph

There are so many times you deal with others in a day, week, month, year and every time you do, I believe there’s a moment in time where you evaluate how you are going to be interact with that other person. Even some children will analyze a situation to determine how they can get what they want from the other person. There has to be some situational awareness to help you understand and evaluate what is going on so it can either be resolved or concluded in either a pleasing manner or a positive one.

How often do we do that for ourselves? I’m not just talking about the gut (probably quite literally) reactions to finding pleasure. That cookie looks good, or this television show is interesting I will prioritize watching another episode, or even, if I scroll on social media I’m sure I will find something to make me smile or reinforce my beliefs which will make me feel good.

I am not sure that we do these things consciously, but there must be some id dominating the brain pathways at different points to help us negotiate stressful or frustrating days and dragging us closer to whatever pleasure could be found to balance that. So while we are unconsciously finding positives to help us through our day, I think we may also want to make a more conscious effort to bolster ourselves up.

My appetite is way off. I’ve stopped taking the Ozempic months ago and am constantly feeling nibbly, I guess is the best way to describe. I’m feeling like I should constantly have something in my mouth and it is a struggle. It’s frustrating to finally realize that the surgery I had months ago didn’t really affect my brain chemistry. That, even though I cannot eat much at one sitting, it doesn’t change the messages or even beliefs my brain is kicking back.

It is so hard to explain to those whose brains don’t have the same impulses, but I’m constantly on the hunt for food. For something to nibble on, for something to be in my mouth. If I still smoked, I would probably be at a pack a day because I work from home. The other problem though is food. Making sure I have the healthier versions of food in my house, that I’m not keeping snacks of any kind in my office, that if I need to chew something I need to try ice first.

On top of that, I don’t register full mentally. I can tell when I’m full because it hits my throat. There is no where else for me to put it. My brain, however, continues to search for that next thing to put in my mouth. I’m not sure how to rewire these impulses or if it is possible. What I’m trying to do, however, is give myself a positive pat on the back when I go to the kitchen to replace the water I’m inhaling because it’s so hot, and I don’t bring a snack back with me. Trying to pump myself up when I run up and down the steps that I’m moving faster than I was before instead of whimpering because my knees are confused about the impacts they are feeling at their age.

I’m working to do this in all aspects, including work, which is also crazy difficult. Instead of feeling threatened that I need to provide a detailed listing of everything I do so I can train others, I need to be impressed that I’m doing so much and making such an impact. Celebrating what I’ve accomplished instead of worrying about what is coming down the road.

These mental exercises are tough but could have huge impacts further down the line.

I’m not going to lie though, the drugs did make it easier.