Wading in

So, it has been more than a minute since I’ve last posted. So many reasons, but most of it boils down to not having much to say. Or much that I want to confront.

Nothing, inherently is wrong. The main job has kept me busy and the secondary job I’ve backburnered because I am quickly losing interest in devoting time to this particular group. And then, of course, there is just the overall insanity of the current real world.

Lately, however, I’ve run out of sand to somewhat stick my head into, and I am sort of unsure how I can make large differences when I’m focused on surviving myself. I find myself wondering how people viewed world changing moments that may have occurred during their lifetimes but also realize that I cannot base my own reactions on others.

I’ve worked to pull myself off social media platforms mainly for the toxicity, limiting what others can view of me on those that I haven’t shut down completely, and have found new refuge in streaming music and, for reasons I cannot explain, the old show Numbers. I’m not sure why.

As I come out of the very mild and shortened Winter I realize I haven’t eaten all my soup that I squirreled away for those long winter nights. While they aren’t completely staring me in the face, I do understand I should probably concentrate on those before I worry about purchasing any other groceries.

I’m just going through the motions. Working my main job, walking Bear, eating and sleeping. Nothing jumping out, nothing to work toward, nothing inspiring me to be the next whatever. Just focusing on paying the bills, keeping the dog entertained and trying to get some sleep at night. I’m not sure those are wins, but I am certain they aren’t losses. Another blogger I follow spent a whole post talking about how keeping yourself ‘safe’, not interacting or looking for connections is a fallacy and essentially harming your peace of mind in the end and I honestly got so annoyed.

Perhaps that is what some people have to give in this world. Perhaps that is enough for them and for others. Not everyone has to have the big love or plentiful relationships. If you are kind to others, and make positive impacts on the lives around you, who says you are wrong to live alone, or just make minimal forays into the world?

Who knows. Hopefully I get back on the wagon of writing and see where my brain takes me.