Rollercoaster

If this year is going to continue in this really odd manner, honestly I have no idea what I’m going to do. And while I haven’t been on wild highs and lows so far, there have been a few twists and turns that I haven’t been anticipating.

I left out of work early today so that I could run out and see the surgeon who performed my gastric bypass and do a check in. I’m sure they would have opinions on the fact that my weight continues to fluctuate, but I just never made it that far when my car broke down on the side of the road with the same issues as almost exactly a year ago. And while the weather wasn’t as cold this afternoon, it was still chilly enough for the engine to opt out of driving down the highway and relegate me to the side of the road.

While I waited for the tow truck, I made good use of my time, straightening out some things via email, answering some work related questions and generally keeping myself busy to distract myself from the fact that my toes were slowly going numb. After the driver finally got there, we motored down to a local garage bemoaning the state of automobiles today and the cost.

More than once I mentioned not being in a position to purchase a new car. Not only did I not really need something newer, but I didn’t want to take on the car note. I then made the mistake of mentioning that I would probably search for an older car without all the bells and whistles just to escape some of the cost if at all possible. Sure enough, not two minutes later he is talking about his ’87 Caprice he is trying to sell for more than I bought my current car new. While i didn’t laugh, it was a near thing. Why he thought that would be something I would need, even if he had dropped the engine of a Suburban in it, didn’t mean it was something I had been hunting for. Truth be told, when I think of an older car, I’m thinking 60s and 70s. I don’t know that I was ever a big fan of the car bodies in the 80s.

Maybe it is because I’m tired. I’ve been working a lot between the two jobs and having some trouble sleeping through the night. In fact I started sleeping in the guest bedroom just to see if using my old bed would help ease some of my back issues, but I forgot how much the bed retains heat. I’m constantly moving from one position to another trying to find a cooler spot to go back to sleep in only to be too cold and curl back up under the covers.

Adding to that, my new boss and I finally put some time on the calendar and had a sit down to talk about where we were and what we were expecting. The first thing out of her mouth was, ‘I’m here to support you and make sure you are successful so let me know how to help.’

I almost teared up in the middle of my work day.

We had a great, candid conversation about the state of work, my position and what my future state could look like. It is unexpected, but such a load off my mind that I don’t have to find a new job yesterday to keep my sanity. I absolutely need to continue to look, but this gives me breathing room to worry about the new piers I need to have put in and the steel beam that needs to be slid in under the kitchen floor. That doesn’t change the amount of hours I’ve been putting in at the other place, but between the two it has been a packed week. I’m lucky it is a 3 day weekend because I need the time to rest.

While the year hasn’t been this deep rollercoaster with nerve dancing climbs followed by quick drops and casual jerks of your sanity from side to side, it has been a little all over the board. Every time I think I have my hands wrapped around what is coming, a slow tilt to my ride happens and all I can do is ride it out and see where the ride takes me. Generally we all end back at the place we started, either physically or mentally, the trip there can be wearing on the soul. And stomach.