Snowed In

The storm finally arrived. Snow, sleet and ice have descended on the city and for the most part we are just waiting it out. It was enough of a worry that I ran back out to the hardware store before the storm landed to grab a snow shovel (that they were out of), pet friendly salt for the sidewalk (that did nothing against the sleet and ice) and extra insulation panels for the basement. Those panels came in handy. I’ve ended up putting those panels up on the windows closest to the water main coming into the house. After placing them in front of the windows, I followed up with some more caulk to seal up any lingering spaces I could feel a breeze blowing in.

One space however, that I cannot quite figure out, is from the ceiling of the basement above the window. I ended up stuffing some foam insulation in the space which slowed down the cold air blowing in. It is absolutely a problem but not one I’m going to fix this weekend when we are supposed to hunker down. It has been snowing/sleeting/icing for 24 hours straight and honestly I’m just thankful that I haven’t lost power (knocking on all the wood).

Friday was a hard day to adult, aside from all the winter prep. Last minute validation requests of work completed rubbed me the wrong way. And while I had the documentation it wasn’t something previously communicated and to receive the request to verify my bonus at the 11th hour seemed like an insult. The way it was worded from my bosses boss, like I should have already provided this information even though I had not been informed I was supposed to was a splinter to my peace I had trouble working out of my system.

The proof I did my job, neither out of line if requested in a reasonable amount of time, was easy to provide, but the moods I moved through after getting the summons, was turbulent and frustrating. I moved so quickly from insulted to upset to just annoyed I believe I have whiplash from the experience. And while I have a trusted group of people we all trash talk with, I just am unsure what level of toxicity my workplace has to get to before I abandon ship.

I want to be the bigger person. The adultier adult in this situation. I want to be able to shake off the hurt feelings of my accomplishments being swept aside for the year and realize that honestly making a billionaire a few thousand more doesn’t do anything for my self esteem and will not be written on my headstone anywhere. In the end, I decide what is important, whether it is seeing an incredible sunset, chatting up my niblings, or insuring the animals in my neighborhood have a safe place to be; those should be the things that I focus on. Just, holy cow is it difficult to do that in the moment. In the moment, I just wanted to shout at the perceived injustice and it took longer than it should of to remind myself that i make clickety clack sounds on a keyboard daily. And while the place I work for pays me to make clickety clack sounds, in the end it isn’t a sunset, a conversation, a safe place or event something I will look back at and be proud of.

So I have to learn to put it to the side.

Luckily I got to work with my trainer later than normal and we discussed my frustrations on my health, how the strength training was working and a new path to blaze to see if we can change my body composition down 10 basis points in body percent fat.

And I’m working on making time for myself. I’ve been on the rower more often in the last week or so than I was most of last year. While that isn’t saying a helluva lot, I have to keep showing up for me because sleeping in won’t get it done. This will also include more strength training exercises for shorter bursts, but since our last session had me lifting weights like they were nothing, that is something I can celebrate and build off of. Now, more reps with heavier weights, more times a week. I need to focus on my triceps, catch my ass before it completely falls off my body and see about digging out some abs. I heard a rumor there were some in there somewhere.