Working On A Quirky Graph

I’ve been cheating on my meal plan a bit. I’m trying to figure out if I should feel bad about it, but at the moment I’m simply chalking it up to a learning curve and then we will see.

After the gastric sleeve surgery, there are several things that the doctor and his staff cautioned that I may not be able to eat, sugar was one of the main ones. Corn was a lesser warning, but I’m not overly concerned about that. While I don’t know that I would say I have a sugar addiction, goodness knows that I will indulge (before surgery) with caramels or ice cream. I was told repeatedly by staff and random forum groups that sugar can/will induce dumping, either throwing up or a flushing of the system from the other side. While I’m not dropping spoonful’s of sugar in my coffee, I did make oatmeal cookies a couple of weeks ago. I limited the sugar I added, as well as included dried cherries to pretend it was a bit healthier. I’ve also been buying sugar free popsicles to try and curb any desire to eat sweetened things like candy or, well, cookies. Obviously that didn’t work out as planned.

I finally finished off the cookies. And my system expressed its disapproval in force the next day. Is all this gross? Absolutely. TMI? Probably but I bring it up because there are parts of this journey that don’t bother me as much as my doc seemed to believe it would. And when ever someone is looking at their weight loss journey and they are trying to determine what is and isn’t worth it, or if they aren’t getting to a place they believe they should in a specific timeline, by yourself some grace and give yourself a pass on what ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ be happening. Every last person runs a different race and if you are judging yourself against some magical number that someone else has put up, you are setting your mental health up for failure. All you can do is see where your head is at, and work toward the goals in mind. That flushing? For me it is better than your gut being twisted up in knots. It isn’t anything I would ever suggest that someone else set themselves up for, but personally, right after surgery I had such a painful bout of constipation that I welcome the other side of that spectrum.

Which is why I give myself grace when it comes to what I eat, but also eating not just for protein, but with that eye on gut health, and a speedy trip through my system. So natural diuretics like cherries, cashews (nuts if eaten regularly will flush the system but they are terrible for you calorie wise if are keeping an eye there).

But I also bring this up because I just was at my regular doctor’s office and one of her main concerns was that my BMI hasn’t changed purely based on numbers. It was frustrating for me because I came in shorts that are just a bit big now, but were tight last summer, and I’m wearing the smallest size in jeans that I’ve worn since my 20s and I know that I’ve made major changes. While I was talking myself down from just being annoyed with one woman that sees me once a year, doesn’t know me at all and is just checking off boxes on a form, I had a moment of clarity that she can give me feedback about ‘numbers’ but it doesn’t touch quality of life, it doesn’t touch whether or not I feel better about what I see in the mirror or how I can work out without breathing too heavy, or the knowledge that when (if) I go on vacation this spring, I won’t need a seat belt extender. And I can be frustrated with her concerns, or I can take her feedback with a grain of salt, continue to work on what is helping me in an overall sense and get the bloodwork done that she is asking for.

And take my freaking iron pills on a regular basis even though they cause constipation and that is my personal gut boogeyman.

But back to the cheating. My sis moved into her house the other day. I helped the process by chauffeuring her kids to different parties so she could focus on the movers. After all the driving, I met her at her new place with some amazing cheesecake’s from this place called Hank’s. I’ve been craving cheesecake for a while lately and finally decided the best way to indulge would be to buy it for my family and just grab a bite. Which I did of the Key Lime, one of my favorite pies of all time. When I tell you I would’ve preferred to have several private moments with that slice of cheesecake, away from prying eyes where I would have not only eaten the entire thing, but made noises while eating that would’ve embarrassed the dog…

I may have cheated by having a bite of cheesecake, but I kept myself to a bite. If I deny myself every thing that I would be craving, I will end up unhappy and bitter, and honestly probably bingeing on what I can’t have then feeling worse. Keeping yourself in check isn’t easy, but when you can accomplish it?