Working On A Quirky Graph

Growing up I often heard the phrase, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” While, technically, I’m not old, I wonder what the age limit was for that phrase. Cause I’m feeling old, but slowly learning some new tricks.

Work has been an adventure this week. My boss was looking for some feedback on what I felt I did well in the last six months, where I felt my strengths sat and where I wanted to go. I ended up at my therapist this week whining because I didn’t know the answers here, and didn’t know how to frame it. Honestly that was only a part of the conversation. The other parts an equal dissatisfaction with what I have (and feeling bad about it) and an uneasiness with where I’m going (and feeling bad about that too.).

in regards to the job, I have learned to reframe how I word things. Instead of saying that my job is easy, I have to constantly reframe in my head that I’m good at my job. Not all aspects. SQL and I still have a mostly loathsome relationship, but I’m learning and bettering myself trying to track it down. However, trying to eke out a path to where I want to go is as easy as looking into a swampy lake at dusk. I have no idea what I’m looking for, or how I’m going to find it.

So I opened myself up to my boss. Which, in and of itself is new. Possibly because she is younger than I am, and also because she is constantly reminding me that she doesn’t expect me to be doing this at this place forever. To use the opportunity I’ve been given and make it into something better for the future. So, instead of just looking at my job as the end of the road, I want to look at it as the step to improve how we do customer service, a novelty in my line of work. It cannot be a goal for the next six months or even the year, but it could be something I work on to improve for the future. How can I take what we are doing, and make those metrics work across the department. Is brand loyalty a thing in this business any longer or is it just something we need to build? And how can I impact that?

Of course, because the universe likes to keep me on my toes, I got slapped back by a customer (figuratively) on a call late Friday afternoon. While I could let that bother me, I instead chose to let it be a reminder that I’m not at all perfect and will always have something to learn. Which is never a bad thing.

My therapist, however, was more pointed this trip than she has been in the past. When I got done explaining where I stood, this energy running through my veins like I was supposed to be doing something with myself but not knowing what I’m supposed to be doing and frustrated with myself because it is messing with my calm demeanor – she has the balls to tell me to just do it. Like my life is a damn show commercial. Is she wrong? Probably not, but calling me out like that just revved this energy. Like a flag in front of the proverbial bull, I’ve been looking for solo trips, trying to figure out what I will be in the mood for. DO I want to see an ocean or do I want to hunker down in the woods somewhere? My boss, in some sort of psychic hook up with my therapist also took the time during out check in to mention that I don’t have any time planned out of the books and that I didn’t exhaust my time last year. “What do you have to look forward to?” And now it is a drumbeat in my head. I can almost hear it as loud as the ringing I have in my left ear that drowns out everything else.

I signed up for the second 5K in may and am debating looking for one in March to just get a jump start. I’ve been doing some walking to start preparing, but not enough and not with with the frequency I need to get ready.

“What have you done to fill your cup today?”

“What do you have to look forward to?”