Working On A Quirky Graph

Sometimes I wonder if the universe hears me making plans and then decides to interfere to entertain itself. Or if I’m just looking for patterns and intent in randomness. I also wonder which would be best for my mental health.

This week had me deep in my feelings, retaking some purpose in life, deciding to enjoy the changes in my body and travel to see more of the beauty to be found in the world. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said the words aloud.

Friday I was driving to hang out with my niblings for the night when my car suddenly dropped out of gear on a hill, while I was in the fast lane. I didn’t completely freak out, guiding my rapidly decelerating car across 5 lanes of traffic so I could get to the rocky shoulder. I cannot remember the last time my heart beat so fast, but I know I was lucky. All it would have taken was someone else not paying attention to clip me and disaster could have struck.

While I waited for a tow in 10 degree weather (-12 Celsius), I contemplated my choices. If the transmission is gone, would it even be worth it to fix or do I think about taking on more debt to get another car? Neither option is amazing. And while the car waits at the car doctor for the diagnosis, I feel like I should be making decisions. I’m just in a holding pattern until I’m told what the issue is.

Meanwhile this weather had been making a mockery of my exercise goals. I’ve taken to turning on a sunlight lamp to brighten my morning and help fend off seasonal affective disorder symptoms. I’m hoping by upping my sunlight intake I can translate that into incentive for rowing or lifting more weights. This week hasn’t been amazing for getting my exercise in and I’m hoping to do better this week with the rise in temps. I really need to work on my core. Just standing on a step with one leg and dipping the other leg down had me wobbly like a first time drinker after their first kegger.

As it is, I saw my dietician this week as well and her concern isn’t in my lack of weight loss, but my coffee intake. Apparently 3 to 4 cups of coffee is excessive. I’m not immediately sure how to change that behavior or if I want to. Maybe I’ll slow down. Perhaps.

Work had been stressful this week as well. The bigger issue I think I have though is trying to balance what I believe I should be doing and being compensated for and what I’m actually doing. I’m beginning to think I need a side hustle. I hate the thought of the doing more work, but the world feels like an unsure place and I keep looking for a spot of security. And since my plans to travel this year may be shifting due to impending financial constraints, I’m being to think that a backup plan I’d not the worst thing in the world. It doesn’t make me love it, but there are worse things.