Fast changes

So much has happened in the last few weeks that sometimes it is difficult to wrap my brain around the changes. I know this is my new reality, but it is so easy to forget what has changed or what will continue to change over the coming months.

I’ve been on a weight loss journey for the last year and a half. Over the summer I stalled in shedding pounds so I listened to my doctor and opted for bariatric surgery. The road to surgery is not extremely easy to traverse. To fulfill the requirements from insurance you have to see a therapist (which I already do, that poor woman) and also show lingering health concerns to prove the need for surgery. While prepping for surgery, for my doctor at least, I was put on a liquid diet for the 2 weeks leading up to getting a gastric sleeve.

My poor dog was concerned about my lack of eating and kept leading me back to the fridge so I could eat real food and drop extras to him. But as I was ramping up this weight loss, Louie was having deterioration in his ACL. The days before my scheduled surgery, he and I had just gotten back from a walk when he blew his ACL in his left leg. His right was already bone on bone so this per much rendered him lame. A trip to the emergency vet gave us the bad news.

He was in so much pain that night no matter how many drugs I gave him so I had to make the hard decision about his quality of life. The next day I took him to a vet to help him across the rainbow bridge. There are so many emotions when you choose euthanasia for your pet. Guilt, sadness, denial, worry all pile on while you are trying to show your furry family member how much love you have for them.

I miss this goofy guy. The house is so quiet without him.

Two days after he left, I had half my stomach cut out. So while my hormone levels all level out, I feel like I’ve been on this roller coaster that doesn’t seem to end.

I know things will settle, but it will take a while for me to get used to him being gone. And to do crying at random places on the walks he and I used to go on.