Working On A Quirky Graph

If you listen long enough or look hard enough, you will hear about that runner’s high. Those endorphins that kick in and make it enjoyable for people to run as if nothing is chasing them. However, I feel I should report mine missing. I’m not sure what image I should be putting on the milk bottle, but it needs a place right next to my motivation.

I’ve been using my fancy new watch to study my sleep, help me breathe deeply and stand at appropriate times during the day. I’ve also used it to monitor my walks. I’ve walked three times this week, and while I intended to go more often, I’m not completely unhappy with how often I’ve ventured outside and worked up a sweat. I am, however, frustrated that I didn’t go more. I’m fighting with logic knowing that I can’t just assume that since I’ve walked a couple of times that I’ll automatically feel better or be able to walk longer. But I still feel like I should be able to.

I’m not sure how others feel, I can only speak for myself, but holy cow I am not enjoying exercise. I have to talk myself into it. I’m not sure if it is my size, or just a part of my sparkling personality, but I’m not getting that sense of satisfaction when I work out.

This morning I lectured myself for over 2 hours before finally pulling out the walking shorts. (Note to self: buy more exercise apparel.) When I’m out walking, or at a gym, I feel self conscious, awkward and out of place. I can wear headphones and ignore the world, but that doesn’t change how I feel when I’m just putting one foot in front of the other. While I’ve always felt this way, social media doesn’t make it easier. How many times do we see pictures of people at the gym or in the park, at a restaurant or in their car, doing their own thing, but someone else finds it funny and they snap a pic to endure other people can laugh at this unsuspecting soul? Do I honestly believe there are people lurking in the bushes to take photos of my sweaty self and post them to some meme site? No. Do I still feel self conscious? Yeppers.

I am well aware that there is no easy answer here. There is no quick fix. No matter how many ads I see, there really isn’t a magic pill that will make me want to exercise, make the pounds disappear, and while it has worked that small miracle, also gotten rid of any loose skin. However, since none of that is possible, I will keep plodding along, trying not to get too frustrated with myself when I don’t always hit my goals, forgiving myself for not taking a walk sometimes and working harder to be a healthier version of me. It is hit and miss. I just have to keep working at it.