Restless

It is ridiculously early. I’ve been awake for hours, unable to go back to sleep, unable to find a position in bed that is comfortable. Tossing and turning, drinking too much water this late/early, moving blankets on and off as I struggle to find the right temperature to sleep. I swear I feel like Goldilocks.

I started my new job this week. There is so much information to download into my brain. There are new considerations, new ways of attacking problems, all new software… it is almost overwhelming.

Years ago one of my bosses told me to look at problems like Merlin. Start with the answer and work backwards from there. As I get older, I find I’m doing that more and more often. It has been hard this week because I have no idea what the final result looks like so I’m taking all this information in and I have no way to organize it. And it isn’t even Wednesday.

The company I’m working at is a startup, and I find it so cool that I’m working at one. How amazing is it, to be in the first floor of a really cool idea? It has all the aches and paid off a startup as well. After working with established companies for years, it is easier to recognize the basic set ups this company is missing. It makes me appreciate what I experienced so I can work through what I believe I’m supposed to be grasping now.

All of this upheaval, however, is not making it easy for me to find my zen. Because I’m in training this week, I’m working earlier than usual, and for the first two days I had taken a sleep aid, some melatonin, to try and be refreshed the next day. Except, unfortunately, the pills gave me nightmares I couldn’t escape, and my quality of sleep has been worse than I’d I had never taken the pills to begin with. So, now I’m up after sleeping for about 4 hours, restless in bed, unable to find peace and needing to be up in a little over an hour anyway.

Maybe I should’ve taken up yoga this year.